Date:	2009-11-24 13:23
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	distressed

So...

I'm PMSing and the past week has been sheer hell.

I didn't get the audition I wanted at choir, which stings even though I know I'm usually more mature than that.

I'm late submitting my homework for one of my classes, for the second time this week.

I'm not going to get a very good grade on the math test I had today. Not a bad one, just not a very good one.

...And then there was the surprise Robotics test, which was horrendously difficult and I didn't even prepare for it or anything. I'm going to fail that one. :-(

And I didn't get enough stuff done to prepare for my trip to Philly.

And I didn't get enough sleep.

And I spilled a drink all over the bag of someone I am kind of hoping is becoming my friend.

*sigh*

I'm overreacting to all of it. I know it. But that doesn't make the urge to cry go away.

I really hate being an emotional female sometimes.

Date:	2009-11-19 00:42
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	excited

...

Apparently, my last post was of no interest whatsoever to my friends list. Pity.

This will be another enthusiastic academia-related post, unfortunately, but it's also about business.

My entrepreneurship class is made of sheer win.

I have an idea. For a product.

What I really want, right now, is a superbly good electrical engineering dude, a superbly good market researcher and a person who knows how to ask businesses how much they'd charge for this or that use of their services.

Because if the engineer says it can be done, the marketer says that people will buy it and the asking dude says how much the bare materials will cost, I will have the knowledge of whether or not this would be successful.

...Any takers?

Probably not, but I'm still happy because at least now I know what needs to happen in order to take an awesome idea and transform it into a business.

And the class is only half over!

Awesomeness. In a box. With wrapping and ribbon and awesome sauce on top.

Date:	2009-11-17 21:56
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	energetic

...

So, remember that Robotics class that has basically nom nommed my life?

The one that I'm working so very, very hard at because the teachers suck monkey balls at teaching and the material is too complex to understand intuitively and too esoteric to find help online for?

The one I basically thought I would totally fail because I don't understand anything?

The one which had the Quiz From Hell, that I thought I had failed?

...

I got an 87 on that quiz. I got 80+ on all the labs so far, and I'll get a 90+ on this one.

In WPI-speech, that right there is an A in the class, assuming the second half of the course won't be ridiculously harder.

A fucking A.

WTFHOLYSHITBBQ

Considering that I'm going to get A's in my other 3 classes, and assuming that my planned course load for the next semester really does turn out to be waaaay easier than this one Robotics class (like it seems it'll be), I will have a 4.0 GPA for my Freshman year of college.

WTF.HOLYSHIT.BBQ.

I took brouhaha's invitation and called her. We talked and it helped. It's good for me to remember that I am actually dealing with everything that's wrong, and that it is all going to be resolved eventually, even though it's tough to wait things out.

And, as always, watching a romantic comedy has made me feel significantly better.

Currently, a bed is being constructed around me.

And then I have a ton of homework to do.

Ok, so now I'm crying. For the stupidest reason ever.

I've been waiting to see MIT's acceptance statistics for the class of '13, to see how many Israelis got in.

Three got in, for the undergraduate class. Three out of 20 that applied. And yet, despite how good those chances were, I didn't get in.

It's so stupid, to still feel the hurt, to still be disappointed about it... but I'm not really crying because of that, now am I?

I'm crying because of all the million other things that are not going well, that I have to deal with on a daily basis. This thing is just the 'last straw', but knowing that doesn't make it hurt any less.

I want this stupid funk to be over. I'm not even PMSing, for crying out loud.

*sigh*

I need someone to talk to. Like, really talk. About the deep stuff. I need advice, I need a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board, something...

I can't talk to parents or Shany. I love them and all, but sometimes you just want someone objective, who doesn't have a big emotional involvement in what is currently going on with my life.

I also don't want to talk to anyone who would judge me for my thoughts (my deeds, yes, my thoughts no).

Bah.

I'm just really lonely, and I haven't clicked with anyone here.

...I'll rephrase that.

I haven't clicked with anyone here who doesn't actively wants to get into my pants and who subsequently is not good friends-material.

I miss my friends back home. I miss the... simplicity of the life I had in Israel. I miss not being constantly afraid that I will fail catastrophically at something. I miss not having to be responsible for everything in my life. I miss 'knowing my place' in my environment.

And I'm frustrated, too. About everything.

I know these feelings will pass, but while they're still around I just wish I had someone to talk to about them.

Bah.

Date:	2009-11-12 17:56
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed

...So lonely ;_;

Date:	2009-11-11 19:03
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	busy

I'm ridiculously busy.

The bad thing about that is that it's really difficult for me to talk to my parents or to Shany now, because my free time is basically only in the evening, a.k.a past midnight their time.

The good thing about it is that I... kind of like being busy. I don't like the lack of contact mentioned above, but I do like feeling that I'm getting what I'm paying for. It makes me feel like I'm really doing things, that I have to put in some effort into it because the heat is on...

Unfortunately, next semester I'm going to end up paying a lot MORE for the pleasure of being busy. It appears that WPI's general approach to international students is "we got you here, that was our job. got problems? sucks".

Therefore, I will speak to the Graduate Students Office and see if a little bit of hilarity cannot be made to happen.

Basically, I want to know what happens if I make my Aerospace/Robotics double major into a BS/MS (getting both bachelor's and masters at WPI) and then start taking graduate classes for the CS requirement of the robotics part. Do I magically become a grad student? If not, what happens if I change my major to Aerospace/CS with a robotics minor and start taking grad classes? Does it happen then, or is it really just after 3 years?

Someone, at some point, seemed to imply that when you start taking grad classes which count toward your Masters, you magically become a graduate student. If this is true, it means that my scholarship will change into a graduate students' scholarship, which is WAY better than the undergraduate one that I am currently on.

We shall see.

In the mean time, I have an appointment for Friday with the Dean of Undergraduate Students. At this appointment I will retell my story and attempt to get a response other than 'Wha...? international student? sucks to be you'.

Blah. Thinking about money depresses me.

Therefore, I shall remember that today we built an electric circuit from scratch at the robotics lab and be happy. It's a circuit for our robot's little light/dark sensors, which we will use in order to make the robot follow this black track that is drawn on a white table. It's awesomeness. Awesomeness in a box.

Date:	2009-11-04 22:13
Subject:	Stuff
Security:	Public
Mood:	busy

So, here's a list of things that currently frustrate me:

* The state of my room. Unpacking isn't happening, because I'm having issues with planning the room's final layout, with the bed etc. I'm also not really home during the daylight hours, which is when the furniture shuffling can happen without aggravating the neighbors. As a result, my room is a giant mess, and it shouldn't be.

* Academic load! Wow, what a difference from the previous term. The robotics class is eating my life, but hopefully my team members will pick up the slack. But in the mean time, I am actually finding myself dedicating a large percentage of my time to homework. Overloading was definitely a step in the right direction. Still, more work causes less free time and more frustration, but it's a good kind of frustration that tells me I'm finally getting my money's worth.

* The robotics major here is a mess, or at least the introduction class to it is. They are basically flinging us at robotics in the hope that we'll learn something. Their effort at teaching includes a rushed lecture covering too much material and too big an attempt to instill the kind of skills into us that we would otherwise only learn as graduate student or with industry experience. It is, however, fascinating. Physics was never more awesome as it is now, that we are actually learning to apply it to the real world. Unfortunately, the programming classes are a total waste of time - for the n00bs as well as the experienced people. They offer too little coverage of pertinent material and are again rushed and are not given on time to be effective for the weekly labs. The weekly labs are ridiculously difficult and require several days of man hours to be completed. They are explained improperly and the only way to really pass them is to bother many people about them, to the point of grand frustration. The homework is given out at the last minute and is difficult to accomplish because of the rushed nature of the lectures supposedly explaining how to solve them. All in all, it is not a very good introduction class... but it's still awesome beyond imagining because we actually get to do robot stuff.

* The time has come to try to negotiate for more money from the university. My current pleased state with overloading coupled with the cost of such and with the kind of things I want to do here demand a reevaluation of my funding. With any luck, WPI will realize that the more awesome I am, the more awesome WPI will be when I will take the things I learn into the real world. With further luck it will realize that bottle-necking my awesomeness because of money problems is stupid, considering the efforts that have been made to get me here, and that further money must be found or else we both stand to lose. I will take this up as high as it will go, really, even if I have to talk to the alumnus who fund the international scholarships personally.

* I miss people in Israel. Shany, primarily, but also my family and my friends. I don't have good friends here yet, although I am working on it. I'm having difficulties feeling like I belong. It could be just me. Maybe I'm out of practice with making friends, or maybe I'm just blocking myself from integrating properly with people here. Maybe it's the age gap, or the cultural gap. I don't know, and I don't really know how to make it better. I'm waiting it out, mostly, hoping that eventually I will actually get invited to go some place with some people and then I'll sort of be officially accepted. I guess only time will tell.

* Frost on my windshield in the morning is not fun. I don't want to scrape the damn stuff off every day, but that is what the immediate future holds for me. It's too damn cold as well, and getting colder. I may need to invest in more clothes before the end, specifically thermal underwear. Those are a blessing.

Date:	2009-11-02 22:33
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	busy

New to-do list!

* Finish Robotics homework - 1st question on the first assignment and all of the second assignment. Due Wednesday at 8:00.

* Start and finish reading the new business case for the entrepreneurship class. Due Thursday at 14:00.

* Start and finish math homework. Due Friday at 9:00.

* Study for math quiz, which will be on Friday at 9:00.

Hopefully, I'll also find time to work on my resume.

I also need to bother my adviser, and someone in the admissions team.

I'm actually glad that I'm busy. I don't like feeling like I have lots of time. Nothing gets done if I feel like that...

Date:	2009-11-01 16:24
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused

WPI is awesome.

I'm sitting here, minding my own business, programming my little robot to do my bidding a-la Girl Genius, when I notice a guy yelling to some other guy down the hall to 'go!' and then starts taking a video with his cell phone.

They got these 'rug sliders' - shoes that allow you to slide on rugs, as if the rug was a slippery floor. The cell phone dude was filming the other dude as he slid through the hallway in various hilarious positions (including backwards!)

XD

Best school ever.

Date:	2009-11-01 02:31
Subject:	EDITED
Security:	Public
Mood:	busy

To do list:

* Write 1 page summary and notes on 25-page article on businesses. Due Monday.

* Write 1 page summary and notes about 25-page chapter in book about businesses. Due Monday.

* Do physics summary homework assignment. Due Tuesday.

* Do Robotics homework. Due Wednesday. Printed both pages. Did most of the first. Still need to finish the first question on it, then start on the second.

* Finish stupid c program for the robot. Due Wednesday. DONE! MWAHAHAHA!

I also have a 4-hour shift at work tomorrow, during which I will probably do that physics summary homework thing... joy.

Still, I'm not anywhere as busy as I was when I was gainfully employed and earning more than babysitters do.

Date:	2009-10-31 13:06
Subject:	Updates & OMGness
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused

* I am feeling better. My illness is slowly going away. My fever still spikes at night, but not by as much as it did on that first day, and today my temperature is actually back into the normal range. I'm still coughing like mad, but breathing is less of an issue as it was yesterday. I'm somewhat baffled at my immune system's effectiveness, but I'm not about to complain here.

* Regarding the bed... I had a long talk about it with my parents. It seems that there are far too many things that have gone wrong with the process for me to actually get out of that mess without spending a ton of money... so a ton of money has been spent - 50% out of their pocket and 50% out of mine. A new bed has been acquired and will arrive over the span of the next couple of weeks. I truly wish that I had thought about this option in advance, but life sucks and I have to deal with it.

* Programming in c is frustrating. A lot of the things I'm used to from, oh, more functional languages don't exist in c. I will be eternally grateful to the person who will find me a way to have one file have all my constants defined in it without receiving stupid 'multiple definitions' errors for each constant. #ifndef doesn't work. Defining the buggers as static doesn't work. It's aggravating and leads to inefficiency as I have to maintain copies of constants in different files >:|

* Academically, aside from the above, I'm doing ok. My classes are not very hard, except for the robotics one. That one isn't hard, per se, just very fast paced and time consuming. I have a chapter in a book and a paper to read and summarize, 3 exercises in physics to complete and hand in and a robot to finish for the upcoming week, and a bunch of math questions to complete as well. All in all, not that hard, but my illness has made it harder since I actually had to sleep more to heal properly and that took away from precious homework time. Yes, sleep is less important to me than homework time. It makes my life easier.

* On a more fun note, OMG Zachary Quinto is so HOT, but ONLY in episode 9 of the 3rd season of heroes. Somehow, in that episode, he transforms himself from 'hmm, nice acting skills' to '!!! delicious booty!'. I don't know if it'll last, but for now, I am highly amused that someone can do that. There is an unfortunately low amount of what I consider to be 'eye candy' in today's entertainment, but it's nice to know it still does exist out there.

That is pretty much all for now.

Date:	2009-10-29 07:12
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sick

LOL.

If only that was the real Death Eater uniform, instead of the 'phantom of the opera rejects' one...

In other news, I'm sick. High fever and all. I haven't had a fever in years, which worries me, but... there isn't anything I can really do about it. WPI's health services only open at 9 AM, and I have a class I can't afford to miss at that time... So, I'll go to class, infect some people, and then head over to health services and see what they have to say. Honestly, I think they should open at 7, like every other health services thingy in the modern world, but you live with what you get.

There will be more updates later, when my body temperature will return to normal.

Date:	2009-10-21 23:16
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed

Today?

Today was hell.

My stuff us here, oh joy of joys (/sarcasm).

What isn't here, or more to the point, what cannot be assembled due to damage and idiocy?

My bed.

What runs out on November 1st (10 days from now)?

My rented bed's rental contract.

What do I have to do?

Buy a bed, with a mattress that isn't the fucking european one I spent two thousand fucking dollars shipping to this godforsaken excuse for a land mass.

How much will it cost me?

Upwards of a thousand dollars. For a single bed. Not even a double bed.

Will I be able to do this before my rental period runs out?

Unlikely.

What does that mean?

It means I'm going to have to kiss my goddamn education goodbye, at this rate.




...For my birthday, I want money. Even just $10-30 from each person who is not my parents.

... ;_;

Date:	2009-10-20 21:09
Subject:	Yeah!
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

4.0 GPA, bitches.

And on this random survey for a ticket that I handled at work, I got an incredibly glowing review.

And I'm happily in love.

And my stuff will be here tomorrow!

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Date:	2009-10-20 01:37
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

Hilariously, my current job at WPI's helpdesk is slowly curing me of my innate fear of phone calls and talking to people I don't know over the phone (we're the call center for everything technological - we get the calls, open tickets and if we can't handle the issue we transfer it to the correct department, get more info from the users if needed and let the users know when everything's all set - I get to do a LOT of calls and answer a lot of them too).

Also, my stuff will be here in ~39 hours, yay! I'll get to unpack again! ...not so yay, but hey, at least I'll finally stop worrying over this entire thing.

And now it's really late at night and the energy I got from my 3-hour nap is wearing off.

Toodles.

Date:	2009-10-18 01:24
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	pleased

So, after receiving my one notice about copyright infringement for downloading something off of Bittorrent, I have resorted to simply watching movies online. The quality isn't always perfect, but it's certainly watchable (equivalent to them 'old' .avi files from the early 2000's that you could download and had to pixelate things a little bit to keep the file size reasonable).

It means I don't really get to watch tv-series anymore, but then again, I haven't really looked for resources for that yet.

At any rate, watching a lot of awesome movies and generally enjoying this weekend :D

I'm also happy to report that I got myself a cheap silver ring that will anchor my engagement ring and prevent it from ever falling off of my finger again! It's just this thin silver band, polished to look like the white gold, but it works like a charm! I'll keep wearing it until such a time that I can get the original ring resized to better fit my finger, which will unfortunately be only if I manage to return this year to Israel for a visit or if I suddenly earn monies, or receive monies for my birthday. Ah, well.

So... you guys get reviews!

Go watch The Ugly Truth" and The Forbidden Kingdom. The former is a romantic comedy that is *gasp* actually funny and actually romantic! The latter is a Kung-Fu movie starring Jackie Chan and Jet Li. It's a classical adventure film that is very enjoyable! Awesome fighting, awesome special effects, awesome characters and good writing and editing, yay!

Date:	2009-10-17 15:44
Subject:	Counterpoint
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay

Ok, so I was being bitchy yesterday because I didn't get enough sleep in the last week of the term and then I was stressed from basically being left alone at work (there are 2 students working the phones during break, and the one with actual experience up and left at noon!).

Losing my glove after it had snowed in the morning and continued to be cold later was a sort of 'last straw', but at least I didn't go into a terrific panic over it...

At any rate, they found the glove, and although it is indeed still cold, and although it will indeed snow again very soon, I'm not unhappy.




This has been brought to you by the Office of Unnecessary and Inane Explanations LTD.

Today I earned $90... and lost $30.

I was working 8-5 at the university, and then went off to Lowe's (hardware store) to buy a snow brush and some other stuff.

I somehow managed to lose one of my Lowe Alpine gloves inside the store.

I walked the entire store twice, and had 3 people helping me by doing the same and... nothing. A kid must have picked it up, because what kind of adult would take off with just one glove, fit only for a very small hand???

If they find it, they'll call me, but if not... I'll have to go for the American version of it - The North Face gloves - which may not be as good :-(

Unfortunately, Lowe Alpine is a European company that doesn't export anything other than bags to the US.

Bah.

It's cold. And snowing. And unhappy.